Why do we do it?

This is a question I’ve been pondering a lot lately. I’ve not added a blog post for a couple of weeks as it’s been really busy at home and my limited admin time was spent applying for a couple art prizes (why do they all seem to be in February and March..?)

Applying to the prizes obviously means there is introspection. Questions like “What can you tell us about this painting?” or “Tell us about your own practice” are crucial to artists when writing artist statements or trying to differentiate ourselves from the masses. I listen to a wonderful podcast (shout out to Creative Kind by Julie Battisti, one of my regular listens) who talks with artists and surrounding parties about the business, and it always catches me when I relate to a statement I didn’t expect. Being self-taught I often feel lacking, like I’ve missed something that a teacher could direct me in, a sort of validation that I’m on the right path, but this week, Penelope Boyd talked about the fact she couldn’t go to art school because she would take the critic onboard too personally, and I felt that. I didn’t study art past GCSE because “I didn’t want to be told what to paint”, and maybe I missed out on stretching myself with that mindset but it’s something I’ve definitely carried over, to paint what I want to paint the way I want to paint it. 

It’s one of the main reasons I struggle to leave my corporate support. The money I earn outside of painting means I can paint whatever I want, without the stress of trying to sell it. That is superb creative freedom, but also means it’s easy to end up too tired or overwhelmed to spend the hours I should do in the studio to see better progression. It means when I go to paint, I have to want to paint, or feel compelled to at least, as there’s no need for me to do it to buy food, keep me in home. Bottom line is that when I am trying to work out why I paint, I know it’s not for the money.

Another podcast I listened to told the story of “The Secret Painter” Eric Tucker, as his nephew has written a book. To summarise, Tucker was an unskilled labourer who lived with his parents and kept very much to himself throughout his life. His family knew that he loved to paint, but didn’t really think much more about it until he died aged 86 and suddenly found a horde of paintings stashed in his living room. His work is beautiful and raw, a glimpse seen in the picture above. He’s been likened to Lowry for a few reasons, not least the northern location and overlooked skill. But he was unknown, apart from applying for a couple exhibitions over his life his art was never really acknowledged. Why did he paint? Just for the joy? He refused a pacemaker because even though he could gain a few years it wouldn’t fix the shaking in his hands. And what were more years without being able to paint. Did he paint just for the joy of painting? 

I would love to put myself in this category, to paint for the joy of painting, because then I could just not care if anyone liked my art or not. I would still love it myself. But, I’m realistic enough to know that is not me either. If it was I probably would be writing this in a personal diary and have nothing on social media. As I mentioned about the critic above, validation helps, so is this why I paint?

That’s why I still apply for the art prizes, even when I feel totally overwhelmed by the other art out there, most of which blows me away. At least if someone else sticks a gold star on my paintings, then I’m not the only one who likes them. 

The final reason, (the one I like the most) I read about in a fab book called “How paintings are made and why it matters” by Martin Gayford. He quotes Jenny Saville talking about Van Gogh, and she says “Making a mark is a way of saying you exist”. I paint to show people what I like, what I’m seeing and what I can do. I paint to say “here I am, I think the world is beautiful and I want to share it with you”. This is why I struggle to paint outside of reference photos, because I paint what I see the way I see it. I find the beauty in what exists, find the details I think are wonderful and extraordinary and deserve the spotlight on a wall. I paint because painting brings me joy, and I’m desperate to share it.